Pence Recaptured After Fleeing Trump Campaign Bus - The New Yorker

Pence Recaptured After Fleeing Trump Campaign Bus

By Andy Borowitz

, August 26, 2016
Credit Photograph by Jonathan Ernst / Reuters

VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a “scary moment” and a “close call,” Donald Trump’s campaign officials confirmed that they had recaptured Mike Pence after the Indiana governor attempted to flee the campaign bus in the early hours of Friday morning.

According to the campaign, Pence had asked to stop at a McDonald’s in rural Virginia so that he could use the bathroom, but aides grew concerned when the governor failed to reappear after twenty minutes.

After determining that Pence had given them the slip, Trump staffers fanned out across the Virginia backcountry, where the governor was believed to have fled.

News that Pence had vanished touched off a panic in Indiana, where residents feared that he might return to resume his political career.

After forty-five minutes of searching, however, campaign officials located a bedraggled and dazed Pence walking along Virginia State Route 287, where the Republican Vice-Presidential nominee was attempting unsuccessfully to hitch a ride.

A confrontation that Trump aides characterized as “tense” ensued, after which a sobbing Pence returned to the bus.

In the aftermath of Pence’s disappearance, Hope Hicks, Trump’s press secretary, attempted to downplay the severity of the incident. “This is the kind of thing that happens in the course of a long and demanding campaign,” she said. “Having said that, we’re grateful to have Mike Pence back with us, and we won’t let him get away again.”

Reportedly, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie offered to fill in for Pence in the event that he became unable to fulfill his duties. That offer was declined.

Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report for newyorker.com.

More:

Get news satire from The Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox.Get news satire from The Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox.

E-mail address
GO
SIGN UP
  • The Borowitz Report

Watch: This week Bob Mankoff and his assistant, Colin Stokes, take a spin in a self-driving car.

Condé Nast
Subscribe to a magazine View All Titles - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Allure Architectural Digest Bon Appétit Brides Condé Nast Traveler Details Glamour Golf Digest Golf World GQ Lucky Self Teen Vogue The New Yorker Vanity Fair Vogue W Wired
Other Condé Nast sites - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Allure Architectural Digest Ars Technica Bon Appétit Brides.com Condé Nast Traveler Concierge Details Epicurious Glamour Golf Digest Golf World GQ Hotel Chatter Jaunted Lucky NutritionData Reddit The Scene Self Style Teen Vogue Vanity Fair Vegas Chatter Vogue W Wired

Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement (effective January 1, 2014) and Privacy Policy (effective January 1, 2014). Your California Privacy Rights The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast. Ad Choices Ad Choices


SHARE THIS
Previous Post
Next Post